


pink to blue

by freshtrash



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half-Life, Half-Life but the AI is Self Aware
Genre: Angst, I'm Bad At Tagging, Lowercase, M/M, Not Beta Read, Open Ending, Pining, Short, gordon in denial, really short, second fic dont bully me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:55:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26498248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freshtrash/pseuds/freshtrash
Summary: it's always the pink and blue, isn't it?
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman, really subtle boomer
Comments: 4
Kudos: 99





	pink to blue

**Author's Note:**

> its all in lowercase again I'm sorry fjsjjf  
> my second ever fic in this fandom might as well post it  
> its really short  
> like you can't even imagine how short  
> I might write a second chapter or smth but idk  
> anyway english isnt my first language so sorry for any mistakes  
> I don't wanna bother any betas with my 2 word fics
> 
> I was listening to ultraviolence by lana del rey, i think everyone has given it a listen before but oh well. just a piece of information

_loving him was never enough_

he quickly grabbed every little orb slipping out of his mouth and popped them. they always bubbled in his throat when he was near him. the whole science team knew what they meant.  
gordon knew what they meant.

pink to blue.

"I know what they mean mr.- mr. freeman!" tommy said once. "pink to blue means-"

"its blue to pink" benrey nearly shoved tommy away, trying not to lose composure. "blue to pink means you stink."

tommy looked surprised for just a moment before a quiet "oh" escaped his mouth. he shot a glance at benrey, a smile creeping up on his face.

benrey's glance back was deadly.

after gordon left with a confused look on his face, angrily rambling about black mesa, the guard pulled tommy aside.

"look bro I'll tell him when I'll tell him"

tommy looked like he was about to cry, hands flapping slightly. benrey growled, rubbing the bridge of his nose. the scientist spoke, barely forming sentences:

"of- of of course benrey. i under- I understand!"

"pog. I'll- uh- tell him when I'm ready."

***

well.  
as he felt his wounds and bullet holes start to bleed, benrey realised that it was now or never.

so he let himself sing.  
sing all the feelings out, sing all the quick "love you's", sing all the carefully planned confessions.

I love you  
I love you  
I love you  
I love you  
I love you the first time  
I love you the last time  
I love you forever  
_I love you forever_

the room shined with all the colours known to man. they surrounded him. they floated up to the ceiling and sank down to the water. they were his uncried tears, his heartbeat, his eyes and his soul.

and it all belonged to gordon.

tommy's hand shot up to his mouth, tears beginning to form in his eyes. dr. coomer stopped dead in his tracks mid air, falling down to the glowing water. bubby rushed up to him, making sure he was okay. dr. coomer assured him he was fine in his usual cheery voice, still looking at benrey. bubby's head rose up too to stare at the thousand floating orbs, eyes squinting because it was so so bright.

but benrey just kept singing.

and gordon?  
gordon was standing there, gripping the part of the hev suit where his heart was. he was completely frozen.

he wasn't stupid. he figured it out half a decade ago.  
he just didn't want to admit it.

didn't want to admit that benrey's tired eyes were all he wanted to look at. didn't want to admit that benrey's toothy grin made thorny vines pierce through gordon's ribs, roses wrapping around his heart. didn't want to admit that now, standing in the final boss room, surrounded by blue and pink orbs, he's pretending he doesn't know what they mean.

its always the pink and blue, isnt it?

he caught one, taking a closer look. it felt like the air was punched out of his lungs yet again.  
he could see himself in it, again and again. just him.  
always him.

he picked up more and more, fetching them out of the water. he saw bubby, dr. coomer, tommy, forzen, darnold, clones, other guards.  
but they were all so blurred out.

gordon was all the guard could see.  
all he ever wanted to see.

and then benrey stopped singing.  
he slowly lifted his head up, swollen dilated eyes now visible. 

and it stung gordon so much more than it should have.


End file.
